As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
