oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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