You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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