Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
