My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
