Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
