Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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