Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
