If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize