I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize