When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
