I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
