He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
