I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
