The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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