Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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