take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
