So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Holy shit dude........stairs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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