You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
