I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
