I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
