Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
