the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have aggressive nipples.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
