what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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