Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
