i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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