only if we run a train.
done.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
