my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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