Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
