wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
