when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
