i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
