I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
