So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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