I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
