I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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