new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
