i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
