my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
