I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
