i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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