It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
