Can i not drive my cunt home
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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