please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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