i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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