doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
