he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize