pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
