i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
