I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
