Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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