Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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