You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
