I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
