Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize