WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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