There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
