Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
