He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
