Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
