Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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