Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
