Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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