Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
