After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
