we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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