I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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