I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
