I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
