You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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