you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
