You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
